After watching a truly terrible movie, the credits are like a slap in the face. It’s basically a list of hundreds of professionals that are personally responsible for your boredom. And these are the ones that are so talented that they beat out tens of thousands of other people who are desperate to work on movies.

Then again, thinking of all the people I know who moved to LA “to try and make it,” I guess getting to the top in Hollywood isn’t exactly like becoming Valedictorian.

There’s always a strange buzz at the start of the State of the Union, sort of like a significant portion of the congressmen are totally drunk. Or maybe that’s what Congress is always like and we only notice once per year when we watch the president on TV.

A common complaint about blogs, Twitter and Facebook status updates is that “nobody cares what you did last night.” That’s usually true, except when “nobody” is your new ex and “what you did last night” is go on a first date. In these situations, social networks become weapons of emotional warfare and the rest of us get to watch the destruction.

There was something oddly unsettling about those online ads for mortgages that featured dancing silhouettes or girls screaming and jumping in front of their webcams. You’d be reading coverage of Iraq on some struggling newspaper’s website when a popup flashing rainbow would try to get you to refinance your house.

In retrospect, this recession seems inevitable.

I don’t plan on being too involved with planning my future wedding. But the one request I do have is for the invitation RSVP card to have the following selections: “Sorry, can’t make it” and “Maybe I’m in, AND MAYBE I’M IN!”

MLK day is good for figuring out which guys can grow good facial hair. There are lots of bros walking around with faces like it’s the day after the Rapture and God chose razors and warm water. Some guys (e.g. Brett Favre) can really pull off this look but other people just look like their face is dirty. Either way it’s a nice change of pace, and usually someone takes the opportunity to start a “growing a beard” phase, with typically hilarious results.

Unlike a condom, it’s totally impractical to carry around a contact lens case and solution. This means that an inevitable downside of spending the night with someone for the first time is tired red eyes the next day. So the next time you think someone looks hungover they might need a high five.

If it’s been over an hour since my last email, my first assumption is that “The Internet is down.” As in, the entire Internet.

As far as I can tell, this and sexting are the primary results when you combine mobile data plans with narcissism.

“Could a Cougar be on the Prowl in Minneapolis?”

It’s not what you’re thinking, because in Minnesota a cougar is still a cougar.

Sean “shawty fire burnin’ on the dance floor” Kingston was born in 1990. So much dance in such a short life.